It is precious to me.
I am thankful that in moments like this I can look back over the last few days (or weeks) and see the evidences of God's grace that I couldn't see while I was in it.
I love that God does that for me.
I long for a place to be real, to not have to hide what is going on. God carries me and loves me through the darkness, He is my constant.
I sit, longing for something more. Questioning what I share and how I do that while pointing to God.
I want to praise Him, fearful if I put voice to the turmoil that the carefully balanced faith will crumble and vanish and I will be left crying out to nothing.
That's not true though. God is holding me. I can fall under the weight, and His hands will lift me up, guide me and carry me when I have nothing left to give, when I don't want to take another step, God is there, coming along side me.
What are You doing Lord, why? What are You teaching me? How long must I wait for You to rescue me, to sustain me? Are You here, do You see me?
I want to be faithful, but I am so weak. I need God now, longing for Him to be real in the midst of this.