There are days where is it so much easier to love my kids selflessly (not that it's easy, just easier) then it is for me to love my husband that way.
Is that just me?
Maybe it's because the kids are still so little. There are still a whole lot of things that they can't do for themselves, or that they just don't know, or have only learned a little while ago.
So maybe that makes it easier. To let go of myself and love them, guide them, teach them.
And some days, by the end of the day I really really really just want someone to think of me. (o.k if I'm being honest, there are some days where I feel like this and I've only just rolled out of bed, today would have been one of those). And when I get in that mood, I forget that my husband needs the grace and patience and love I have *attempted* to show my kids all day, because he has been *giving* at work.
But again, I don't do what I do for others, I do what I do for God. Because He has called me to be a wife and mom and I want to be a godly wife and a godly mom. To teach my kids what a godly marriage looks like, to teach them through my actions what it means to live selflessly, to think of others before they think of themselves.
And to do that, I need to not only act that way towards them, but towards Troy and everyone else I come in contact with.
This laying down of self - it's been a theme in my life lately and I have a feeling God is trying to hammer home a point that I am just. not. getting.
It's painful, the surrendering of self, and I find that I am constantly telling myself that it's NOT about me and asking myself if I would act like that if Jesus was standing beside me in person (whom I could see and touch and who could speak to me)
I pray that God will help me to become more like Jesus. That my love may be selfless, that my actions may shine His light. I know I'm gonna stumble, I know I'm gonna have to seek forgiveness. But I pray that I will allow Him to work.