Silent, invisible, all consuming. There are moments in these days where it is easy to get lost in the winding paths of darkness, side tracked by the pull of a cavern.
Yet there are also moments - which I hold desperately too - where there is a glimmer of light on the path, a warmth to the wind that whistles through the empty places, a strength and peace holding me. They are few and far between , these moments of hope that give life, but there are enough.
I cannot put words to the change, but I have felt the shifting, can sense it in the tears that fall too easy and hear it in the thoughts that drown out His whisperings.
It is a strange sensation, feeling safe, held, protected in the midst of the icy fog. So thankful that I can feel it, for it holds me close.
On the days when I am afraid to reach out, but long to talk, I am thankful that there is Someone I can turn to, without fear and without having to find the *right* words - or words at all for that matter.
I am thankful I serve a Holy God. A God that knows my thoughts, One Who is more than capable of leading from this darkness or sustaining me through it.
On days when I want to call someone and say 'pray for me' but don't want to have to explain why, I am thankful I can fall at the feet of the One and Only and cry. My tears the only prayer I am able to offer. Thankful He knows me.
I hate pretending that everything is fine, but I don't want to let the darkness take over and the tears to be come common place. So I do what I normally do, I get out of bed, I function I act like everything is fine. Because sometimes it is just easier that way.
My mom comes tomorrow. I am thankful for that!