A Break

I got a wonderful, unexpected break today.
Had a hair appointment and was thinking I would end up having to take Alexandra and Owen, turns out my mother-in-law came over to watch them and I got a chance to just sit and have someone *play* with my hair.
I feel like a new person.
God's grace is enough.
He totally knew what I needed today and I am giddy about those 40 mins. It changed my perspective, and switched my focus back where it needed to be. On HIM.
And I am full.

Relief tonight.

I am beyond thankful that there is nothing physically wrong with Owen. The paediatrican we met with today is confident that all of Owen's troubles (constipation, sleeping WAY too much, having no energy, not eating/drinking) all come down to diet. As all the x-rays and ultra-sounds came back negative. The only thing the bloodwork showed was fairly low blood sugar levels (but not eating in a few days tends to do that).

We will be meeting with a dietican to go over things we can change, things to avoid etc. They don't think it's an allergy to anything specific and are thinking that as he grows, he may grow out of the need to watch what he eats.

These past 5 days have felt like a lifetime for me. I can't believe it is only Wednesday! I'm exhausted beyond words and feeling scattered but thankful, can't stress that enough!

My respect has grown by 100 fold for families that have, as their normal, constant appoinments and testings and kids whose problems aren't solved as easily as Owen's can be. I am in awe at the grace that God pours into those families. The strength and endurance they have. I can't even begin to express what I feel for them. These past 5 days have been filled with worry and prayers and appointments and questions and peace.

It's so hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is some families *normal*. And I will not be taking my family's health for granted anytime soon.

For it is easy, when things are fine, to forget to be thankful for them, at least it is for me. God's reminded me these past 5 days the power there is in leaning on Him.

On letting HIM be my rock.

I'm crying right now, happy, filled with relief, but hurting for the families that have to learn how to cope with a *sick* child (or parent or spouse). I am praying that God will fill those families with His peace and presence and love. That they will know that He is walking through their *normal* with them.

It is late, this week is far from over, and the weekend coming is going to be busy too. So this tired, thankful mommy is heading to bed praising her Saviour and praying for those whose *normal* is anything but.

Owen Update

The ultrasound yesterday for Owen went, as well as can be expected with an 11 month old that started SCREAMING as soon as we walked into the room and he saw the bed he was supposed to lay on!

We go back to the hospital tomorrow at 1:30pm to meet with another peds dr. Hopefully he will have the results of the ultrasound, because his name and the name the results were supposed to be sent to were the same (I made sure I looked incase we got phone calls asking to come in and meet with drs.)

Right now it is still a matter of testing and waiting. Praying that after tomorrow we will have more answers, or at least a clearer idea of things.

I would appreciate your prayers for peace and patience and wisdom. We want to do what's best for Owen, but I'm not sure if all the tests they want to run will be needed. Wisdom to know the right thing to do as the time comes.

i heart faces - Reflection

It was hard to choose a picture for this week's theme of reflection at i heart faces. Go check out the other entries to see what people have done.

There where two pictures I really wanted to use.

I opted for this one, becuase I figured that there were going to be A LOT of mirror reflections this week and I wanted to do something that was just a little different.

**Updated: I've had a lot of questions as to what I used..... it's the water-overflow spot in the bathtub**

Today

Owen and I are off this afternoon to the hospital for an ultrasound. From there we are headed to our family dr. Mostly just to touch base with her and let her know what has been going on this weekend. And to find out if the ped. specialist told her anything that wasn't told to me.

Basically, they are starting with the ultrasound to see if they can tell if all the nerve endings in the colon are there. If it can't be determined, then we will take Owen back for a barium enima x-ray. The dr. thinks it is possible that Owen is missing some nerve endings (also called hirschsprung’s disease) and that it what is causing the problems.

I am at peace, regardless of what they find. Hoping and praying that it is nothing, but at the same time, if something IS found, I am thankful that it will have been caught now and not later. Because later is almost always never good.

It could be another long day but I am thankful that a friend is watching my other kids so that they don't have to be dragged around with us (cuz 3 kids in x-ray and at a dr's office at lunch/naptime, not my idea of fun!)

A Loooooooooong Morning

Which turned, quickly, into afternoon!

I'm finally back from the hospital again. Thankfully (after being there for clsoe to 4 hours) the peds dr I got to talk to, is, in fact, a peds specialist, doing a rotaion at our hospital from Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto. He said that there is definately consitpation, BUT that he is ordering a few more tests as a follow-up becuase there is a possibility that it is a form of _______________ (sorry can't remember the name, and couldn't spell it even if I did). He is testing for it because as I was talking, he said that everything I was telling him was making him think that ______________ is what the problem is.

(He sees A LOT being a dr at Sick Kids, so I was happy to have talked to him, and a BIG BONUS, he was AWESOME with Owen. Very impressed, seeing as I had to wake him up after he had fallen asleep in my arms, the dr was patient and very informative....and get this, he even apologized for the amount of time we were there!!!!! I was floored!)

He knows it is not the severe form, as that would have shown itself within days of his birth, but there is a chance that instead of effecting the whole intestine, that only a part of it is being affected, which is why we haven't noticed anything majorly off until this point. We will be going for some ultrasounds and then something with barium and x-rays (I kinda lost focus at that point) But we will be meeting with our family dr on Monday.

I do not know what the next step will be if some of the tests come back postive for it. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, on thing at a time.

And that one thing right now, is to curl up and have a little nap, pacing hallways holding an 20lb kid for 3 hours is exhausting!

Owen

Yesterday Owen and I spent 4 loooooooong hours at the hospital, while I was asked by nurses..."well is he teething?

SERIOUSLY???!!

and..."maybe he's tired"

NO KIDDING, he's slept for 30 mins today and we've been here for 3 hours already.....

or an x-ray tech....."come, stand, put this on, hold him here...no you just stepped on my buttons...pick him up...leave it on and pick him up"

EXCUSE ME??? *thinking* I stepped on the buttons cuz you want me to hold him just so but WONT GET OUT OF THE WAY and I can't pick him wearing the silly lead apron (have you tried to hold a wiggling, screaming 11 month old while wearing a nice lead apron?)

by another paitent to nurse calling names to see drs..."can't hear you" (under his breath..."noisy kid here")

*thinking* AGAIN..... "so so sorry that there's a screaming BABY in the ER"

Other than that though, the dr was wonderful, and after 4 horus of trying to figure out what the matter with Owen is, he decided he would call in a peds. dr. who said to send us home, to come back today at 11ish so they can do more blood work and figure out why Owen's been off. They *think* (I love that term when used by drs. it totally makes me laugh) that it is just really really bad constipation but they don't know why (seeing as nothing in his diet has changed) and they aren't even fully sure since alot of what's *wrong* doesn't fit with that.

Thankful though that I didn't have to wait until Monday to get into our family dr. Seeing as Owen spent close to an hour screarming and crying (which is why we ended up in emerg in the first place), completely inconsolable (which is SO strange for him, he ALWAYS settles once he's with me)

So back we go this morning to hopefully get some answers....

Oh, the BEST comment by the dr (and this made me laugh all the way home) "Try getting liquids into him, and see if he'll eat"

*thinking* "Did you miss that he's NOT eating and will only take one sip before turning his head away, then just let's it dribble down his chin if I dribble it into his mouth? Hence why we are here?" Ah well!

Thankful Owen has decided to start drinking and eating again though!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

We had a thunderstorm Thursday night. I LOVE thunder storms. It was a wonderful end to a day that had been long. A nice surprise seeing as it is April and thudner stroms in April are rare here in Thunder Bay.

A Photoshoot

I had so much fun with my daughter and her friend this afternoon. They let me take pictures of them for close to 45 minutes.

AlexandraMikayla
Best friends

Little Girls

All I had to do was tell these two that they could wear 'princess' dresses and they were game for letting me take their pictures! Here are just a few from the ones I took today. I will post more but right now blogger isn't letting me upload them!

My little Owen Bean is sick...or something. He's just not right. The poor little guy fell asleep on the floor at MOPS. He rarely falls asleep anywhere but his crib. So to have him pass out right there on the floor at my feet with all the commotion was a little strange. We got home and he went right to bed again (even stranger!). Here's hoping it's just a cold. It's no fun when my little ones are not feeling right. I want so much to make them better.

This week,the i heart faces theme is self-portrait and it is so neat to see the people who are normally behind the camera. I've noticed that there are certain blogs I read and I had no idea at all what the person looked like. I mean, I came up with a pictue in my head, based on the pictures they have taken and the words they have written, but in MANY cases, that picture is no where near close to what they actually look like.

I have enjoyed getting to *see* people without actually seeing them. (If that makes sense to anyone but me!) It is very neat. I think so often we let what people look like influence who we think they are, and it's so not right. That's one thing I really appreciate about blogging: You can get to know someone and get a sense of *who* they are before ever seeing what they look like.

That's one reason I like photography so much. I can look a tpictures someone has taken and get a sense of what makes them *tick*, the things that they value and that are important to them. It's amazing the things that come through in pictures.

"I have noticed that i photographic portraits, the artist's feelings about the subject shine through. Often the beauty and prejudices of the photographer show more in the photo than the subject itself."

~Eve Schell

"A photographer's work is given shape and style by his personal vision. It is not simply technique, but the way he looks at life and the world around him."

~Pete Turner

i heart faces - self portrait

Head on over to i heart faces to check out all the other self-protraits and maybe join in the fun yourself!

Sigh...interesting pictures this week. The *rule* you had to be holding the camera. No tripods, just you with a camera. So, here's my entry in the kids.....my arms need to be longer!

The benefit of the self-portrait week: I have a picture to enter in the adult category too!

And here is my adult entry.

A Change in Weather

(Just click on it to see it bigger)

Fix-it-Friday

It's Fit-it-Friday over at i heart faces. Here is my "fix" (and I use that term loosely) on the picture.....click on the link to see the original (I saved over it without thinking!)

Perspective

Funny, life is really all about perspective. Your perspective, others perspective. It changes everything.

I learned that a lot this past week when Troy was away.

I've found lately, that my perspective has been on the rough spots in the days, the times that I want to pull my hair out. . .or run screaming around the block . . .or (well, you get the idea)

And that affects how I parent. It affects how I live, the words I use, the effort I put into things.

I've been trying to shift my perspective.

Focusing not on the moments, but on the people. Their emotions, their needs, their lives. The difference in my reaction to things is huge.

I'm not the most patient person in the world, but you know what, this past week and a bit, God has taken me, and walked me step (by sometimes painful) step into shifting my perspective to the people. Away from the moments, away from myself, and onto Him and onto others.

And I am finding that I have a lot more patience. I get angry less and I take the time to stop and think before the words come pouring out of my mouth. (Weren't we supposed to learn that when we were like 2?!?)

Granted, I have far from got this mastered!

I am beyond thankful and praying that this work will continue to completion, for He promises that it will.

Mr. Owen at 11 months
(where DID the time go?) Yes, his mouth is full!

Think he was done with having his picture taken!

Monday's Adventure

Monday morning dawned gray, cloudy and no where near as warm as the weatherman (er...person) was calling for. SO, in the hopes of finding spring, this momma took her kids to one of the local greenhouses. Because it is still really really early to be thinking about gardening, there were very few people around and the kids had a blast running up and down the rows, smelling flowers and herbs, watching the parrot and budgies and putting money in the wishing well.

There were some INCREDIBLE fake flowers (I was thinking of for pictures). The things were HUGE (taller than my 4 year old). Alas, they were $20 and I really didn't think they were worth it...cool, but not worth it. So we came home with a bright pink Azalea (sp?) flower instead (it was $20 off so we got it for $10!!! That's MY kind of flower! And it's real!)

I was planning on taking the kids swimming but figured Owen would fall asleep in the van, so we headed out to the falls in the neighbouring town instead. Thankfully there were friendly people who could lend me .50 cents for the meter (I only had $3.50 in cash!)

The falls at this time of year are stunning. I love the contrast between the rushing water and the ice that still overhangs parts of the falls.

These two, looking at this picture, you would think they were little angels!
But it's moments like these that I treasue and hold dear.
They truly love eachother and it comes shining through in moments like this. See, even Owen was there...not impressed that I woke him up to put him in a backpack...but he was there!

*Full*

This is how the eggs get hidden at our house. Even then, we have to play hot and cold to find some of them! Filled with joy. That was our weekend.

Moments like this one thrown into the mix of *life*.

Saturday we hunt for eggs.

Puts the focus on Jesus the rest of the weekend.

Right where it should be.

Owen thought the eggs were a great play toy.

He couldn't figure out how to get them open right away.

Perfect for passing the time while his brother and sister hunted!

Yup, just a little excitement.

Sunday was a wonderful church service.

My Redeemer lives indeed!

Filled with awe and worship and joy.

So *full*.
There is something about worshipping with the body of Christ that shifts my perspective off of me and onto Him.
And by Sunday, I needed a shift of perspective!

Out at my sister-in-laws. (Alexandra was in a pretty dress!)

Not sure what happened to the focus in this picture.....

Troy's mom entertaining Owen.Best buds!
Anthony spent ALL afternoon with Travis(and his other cousin Mitch)
They tormented him endlessly but he LOVED it!One of my nephews and Troy's dad.
It's a tradition to play cards when the family gets together.

I have enjoyed my kids this week. Well there was the incident when....
*Alexandra climbed into Owen's crib at naptime (have yet to figure out how she opened her door.....I think I know but Anthony ain't telling!) and started pulling things from the dresser into his crib.
*Alexandra decided to *help* feed Owen and help him out of the high chair
*I had to repeat "she's only trying to help" about 100 times to stay calm
*Alexandra threw cars at Anthony's head
*I changed sheets at 2:30 one morning and 5:30 another morning.
*I cried cuz I just couldn't handle it anymore
*Watched Anthony try to run Alexandra over on his tricycle. She then proceeded to try to push him off it......
I've learned lots and grown even more. Yes it's been hard. No I don't like having Troy away. Would I change it? Probably not. God totally knew what I needed at this point in my life to work on the sin issues I've been struggling with and this was it.
I am beyond thankful and filled with praises for Him. He truly does put a new song in your heart.

i heart faces - Week 14

This week, the theme at i heart faces is Easter/spring. I choose Easter, seeing as spring will not be arriving here for another month or so :)

Head on over to i heart faces and check out all the other great enteries!

A Sunny Saturday in April

It was sunny on Saturday so we went with two other families ( 8 kids, 5 and under)to the conservation park on Mission Island (same place with the deer). The kids had a BLAST running, exploring, climbing, licking ice, playing,

you know, being kids.
Owen was there, he just slept a lot of the morning.
Almost 2 hours of fun and friends in the midst of a beautiful creation.

I had a great time taking pictures, not having to worry if my kids were going to run out onto the ice cuz there were other parents there to watch.

These two are best friends.

They are going to marry eachother one day.

At least according to them!

Follow the leader.....

I love this picture.

I think it is my favourite

(of over the 1oo I took)

I think these two might marry eachother too.

Alexandra refers to him as

"My Asher"!

The *little* kids of the group!

All the kids (- Owen)

This weekend has been hard. The rest of the week, really good. Sure there were moments of insanity and frustration but over all, it was a really good week. Then the weekend hit. I'm done being a single parent....unfortunately I still have 3 more days.

Here's to the parents that do it alone all the time. They have my respect. For I'm not sure I could.

The highlight tonight, the beauty of the sunset. The clouds are streaking in silvers and grays, the sky is a deep blue and light pink.

"The heavans declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the works of His hands"

Psalm 19:1

So true, and such a beautiful reminder of His faithfulness to me at the end of a long day.