The past few weeks have been interesting. . .
I notice that there are times when I cling, tightly, to something (or a few somethings in this case) and that when I do, it affects every aspect of my life.
There is no joy to be found in the idol, yet I am incapable of smashing it.
Sure, I try. I knock it over half-heartedly, expecting it to stay down.
But on my own, I am powerless to destroy that which wants to take the place of God in my life.
It is only by laying it before Him. By asking God to smash it to a million pieces, that I can be free from the longing and striving of the idols in my life.
I've been trying to teach Anthony about seeking God first. That how he responds to a situation reflects the thoughts and feelings resting in his heart. Not that those are necessarily wrong, but the way in which we react and express them says a lot about where our trust and hope lay.
There have been a whole lot of melt downs and tears and anger from my oldest lately and I am at a loss. My heart aches because he doesn't seem happy or content. And my heart hurts from the words the fall from his mouth some days.
I am struggling with him.
I know that God has Anthony. That I am not able to change hearts and fill him with a desire for God. But it is my prayer that God will work. That Anthony will come to know Him and trust Him.
Not because it will be easier for me, but because of the peace and hope and joy that will fill Anthony's life.
Right now, it is always someone else's fault (by default, usually mine) and he knows the right answers, spews them out in response.
Is Anthony not getting something he needs? I question and wonder and pray that God will guide me, teach me and help me to mother this sweet child of mine.
I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. I am struggling. I am hurting.
The Folklore Festival this past weekend was so much fun. Alexandra and Owen were mesmerized by all the dancing. They would just stop and stare.
I love that there are so many different cultures celebrated in this city and that there is a place where I can take the kids so they can see the dances and taste the food from some of these different areas of the world.