We hurry through the day, marking tasks off lists that never end and as mothers, as women, we feel guilty for the time not spent with our kids, the missing out on the watching them grow and play. We feel guilty when we utter "just a minute" or "not now".
On the days we try to slow down, to stop, to enjoy their childhood, that list, that lifestyle of busy, floats through our head and makes us anxious, and we, in turn feel guilty for the fact that the dishes are piling, that the laundry isn't done, that there are crumbs on the floor and sticky toothpaste marks on the sink.
What a nasty word.
Don't get me wrong, some guilt is appropriate and justified. I'm talking about the false mommy-guilt that many of us feel 100 times in the course of a day.
God has been teaching me that 'it's ok'.
There are seasons in every life where, at least for me, it is OK to turn the TV on all morning so I can sleep, because it means that I CAN spend the afternoon playing or baking or reading to my kids. Yes the laundry lays in mountains and the dishes pile ever higher but IT IS OK.
God is taking the guilt I used to feel and removing it. It is amazing how much freer I feel, how much more energy I have when I am not consumed by guilt for what I am, or am not, doing.
The depression, and the meds, both make me super tired and I have had to re-focus my priorities. On the days I do have energy and motivation, it is about my kids. About making memories and building relationships with them.
Truly the laundry will wait, the dishes will get done (eventually) but these kids, they grow and change in the blink of an eye and I don't want to come out of this season and realize that I have lost them, that they don't want to talk or play because I took the little time I did have when I felt normal, to clean.
As God has been releasing me of the guilt I find that I am loving my kids more because I am not grumpy at them for getting in the way of what I think needs to be done. That it really doesn't bother me that my house is not neat and tidy (I'm a clean freak....it used to stress me out completely if there were dishes or crumbs or unmade beds.....)
I am thankful.
I never expected this shift, this freeing of guilt, to come out of this seasons of my life, and I am so thankful. So filled with peace and contentment - things that the guilt normally sucks right out of my day.
Take your guilt to God my friends and lay it before Him. Ask Him to release you from the mommy-guilt that consumes our days and causes us to want to be all and do all.
He is faithful to those who strive to follow Him and He will work in your hearts and change your priorities.