"We have never been called to define God, we have been called to behold Him." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Moment in Time Photography - Blog

December 10, 2009

When Words Fail (but I'm gonna try anyway)

Ever hit a spot in your life where you have just got to choose?
Choose to follow God or to continue walking the path you're on?
I've so been there, and recently too.
I have been longing for Him to fill me and be my everything for close to 3 years, I was in a spot of stagnation, wanting to grow closer and getting so close, but running at the first sign of opression, the first sign of temptation, the first sign that this, this laying down of idols and surrendering of me, was gonna take a LOT (sad that I let my relationship with a Holy God slip to that point, I know.)
But God is so faithful. He wouldn't let me stay there, and the longing in my life continued to consume me.
That desire to hear Him and let Him be my everything grew so strong, the only possible way for me to ignore it was to completely turn my back on God.
And that, is NOT an option for me. God has been so graicous and faithful and pulled me out of so many places that, although I stumble, I cannot (and will not) deny Him when push comes to shove.
So about 8 to 10 months ago I had to decide where I stood.
I choose to follow, wherever that leads. (kicking, screaming and whining like a baby....boy am I glad He takes what I can offer!)
And it has been a wild ride. . . I wish I had the words to explain the things that have been happening, the walls that have been breaking, the AWESOMENESS of God.
Because that's where it started. It started with God pulling down the walls I had built around my heart to keep Him out and me *safe*. Back in March, around the time I told God I wanted Him, more than anything, to feel Him like I had back in university, our pastor started preaching on Romans and every. single. message. spoke VOLUMES. Seriously? It felt like God was standing there pointing out every. single. one. of my sins. It broke me, but I fell on God, because that (by His grace) is where I fall when my life gets pulled from under my feet. And that is where this process started.
Since then there has been so much. A lot of soul-searching and praying and even (gasp) learning to humble myself enough to share a little (very little) to ask for prayer from those around me.
In the past 3 months God has FLOORED me with the things He is doing.
It's exiciting and awesome and praise-inducing. There are no words for how big God is, for all that He is able to do. He has pulled me from a pit so deep that He was the only way out and my feet? They are now firmly planted on the Solid Rock. (By HIS ability and power and strength, not my own)
It hasn't been easy (anything but actually, but if it were easy, I'm not sure I would ever get to the point of complete reliance on Him), but I would not change anything in the past 10 months. I want to be where He wants me to be and I would not be at this point today if it had not been for the things that I have walked through.
God continues to show me the idols I need to lay down, the lies I am believing that need to be replaced by Truth, that He is Who He says He is and that I can trust that.
The closer He draws me to Himself, the MORE I want myself to be made like Christ, the MORE I desire Him. I am finding that as He starts to take over there are things in my life that I no longer desire, things that used to consume my time and thoughts.
I love that He can take me where He found me (and everything that included) and use it for HIS Glory, HIS purpose.
If He can take me from where I was and bring me here, He can use anyone for anything!
I love that nothing is impossible for God!!
I am so grateful and awe-filled and face-to-the-floor in worship of the Holiness of God and His ability to take a life that was not even lukewarm for Him and turn it into a life of one who wants nothing more than to bring Him glory and honour and praise and to live more and more like Christ.
This past weekend, the speakers on Friday night and Saturday morning spoke on topics that God has been teaching me almost continually for the past 3 months.
The fact that God allowed me to go to Oklahoma City to be reminded of everything He has been teaching me blows. my. mind. I cannot even comprehend how much His love for me is.
Because you know what? God could have used anyone, anywhere to deliver that same message to me, but He KNEW the impact it would have on me to be away for 5 days, to have zero responsibilities, to just be able to soak it all up without distractions and He blessed me with that.
It brings tears of joy to my eyes to know that the God of the universe cares so deeply for me, and I don't understand it but I am learning to trust that it is true.
God is AWESOME. He is a Holy God who is into changing lives and setting passion into the hearts of those who seek Him.
Praise Him for He alone is Holy. Praise Him for He alone is worthy. Praise Him for He alone is able. Praise Him for not just what He does in my life, but also what He is able to do in your life. Praise Him for He alone is gracious and merciful and FULLY God.

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