I've debated writing this post. Wondered at the words to use, how it might *sound*... lots of different reasons really.
There are time, sometimes more often than others, when I wodner what other people think of me, how they *see* me. Do they see me as I see myself (because that would be not so cool), do they see the person I am trying, through Christ, to become (even despite the stumblings and shortcomings) or is it some combination of the two?
And do I really want to know?
Occassionally I wish it were appropriate to come right out and ask. But starting a conversation with "Hey, what do you think of me?", apart from being scary, just seems like I'm fishing for a compliment (which I'm not).
I know that I will never see myself as others do and that's alright. Most days I don't even really care how they see me.
It is much more important (most days at least) for me to see myself in light of who I am being made to be through God and how He sees me.
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There are days when something reminds me just how far I need to go in the being vunerable department. A friend made a comment the other night about how she really has no idea about what's going on because (and these are her words) "you don't say anything." And its true.
Why? sometimes it is because I don't have the words to explain (words that seem to flow so freely through a pen (or keyboard) are often evasive when face to face, sometimes I worry that it will sound like I am complaining (which isn't my intention) or that my selfishness will show, sometimes I worry about what others will think (which is silly, becuase when people talk to me I rejoice at being able to pray for or celebrate with them, and I *know* that they aren't any different from me in that). . .
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