I'm done with caring how it looks.
I yearn to hear from God, to fall before Him and allow Him to fill me.
To empty myself of ME so He may fill me with Him. And what joy that brings when I can, even momentarily bask in Who He is.
I have been placed here for such a time as this and I surrender to that. Not what I want, for He knows me so much better than I know myself.
It's been about a year since I first started thinking about reaching out, getting help.
While this is not a place I would wish on anyone, I am thankful for it, for what I have learned and what I still have to learn.
God has shown me that being vulnerable is not a bad thing, that people really aren't scary and that His love flows through community - in the reaching out and accepting of help.
We live in a world that teaches we need to be everything, to do everything and that we need to do it all on our own. That asking for help means I have somehow failed.
It's a lie to keep us isolated, to keep us from community, to keep us from God, to keep us listening to the voices ugly that taunt and the fingers that pick at the threads unraveling or yank at the rug beneath our feet.
We were never meant to walk through life alone, to shoulder our own burdens or, to protect ourselves from the pain of others
"But you are to cling to the Lord your God as you have done to this day"
I am so thankful, filled with soul-deep gratitude over God's ways, timing, His working in my life. I am humbled at His care and the way He orchestrates everything to fall into perfect place.
I am glad I don't understand God. It would not be as hope-filling, joy-inducing, excitement-bringing or praise-worthy if I understood the why and the how of the ways in which God works.
God is being God and it is all for His glory and Kingdom and that brings me great comfort!