I've been growing, learning, changing. Stepping out of the comfortable, the known, and into something that doesn't come naturally, something that takes effort and intentionality. That reminds me just how weak I really am and how much I need His strength to carry me through each moment, each day.
It's challenging.
This past week has been so good and so hard. I realized mid week that it is the first time, in a very very long time where I was genuinely happy. There's been times of peace and joy and contentment, but underlying all that has always been a sadness or darkness. But this week, I could laugh and not be doing it just because it was the expected thing. I could smile from my heart and mean it. I could play and be silly with my kids and not have it feel like a chore, like I wasn't a good mom.
This happy, looking at the circumstances, doesn't make sense. Things in life haven't changed drastically. There are still a ton of unknowns, hard places that do, on occasion, still rub the wrong way. But happy is there. Rooted deep and for once, it doesn't feel like it is fleeting.
All I can do is praise my God and fall before Him in awe. Grateful does not even begin to describe it.
I love how God is working and thankful that He doesn't leave me where I am....even when I fight it.
Finding thanks to give in the hard parts. Finding thanks to give when joy is there, spilling forth. Everyday, every moment is a gift, a blessing, a glimpse of God in my life.
Owen letting me leave him *happy* at pre-school
quiet
time spent with God -alone
surprises in the mail
learning to step out of myself to become more of the woman God has created me to be
honesty and vulnerability - even through the tears that fall
fear crumbling
rain pitter-patting in the leaves
McDonalds for dinner
babysitting money
happiness from deep within
new life and the hope it brings
colours of fall vivid on overcast days
trees that become swings
gusting wind
dancing leaves
the chill in the air
smell of homemade applesauce cooking on the stove
2 comments:
Love this - simple, yet not ... and the photos are breathtaking!
Cheering you on in this adventure of following Christ! :)
I have trust issues. Lots of them. :) I have finally been able to pin point that and pursue God's help with it. Dave very specifically began praying for me and my lack of trust this year and it has helped me by leaps and bounds. Praying this for you too, friend.
This was beautiful. The words and the images.
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