Dreams

Every once in a while, a dream finds its way into my heart and just will not be dislodged.

Do I chase after it?

Do I sit and wait, pretending patience, while I let God bring the dream to bloom?

Does there come a point where I know I'm being called to it and just step out - in fear and hesitation - to pursue this dream?

I don't know.

I do know where my heart lies.

I do know that this dream has not gone away, after years of prayer and surrendering.

I do know that maybe, just maybe it's time to step out, to let go of the fear that is holding me back and to trust that He is leading.

But it is scary.

I am insecure. Not sure I am willing to risk.

But would it be as sweet of a dream if there was no risk involved?

And it might, just possibly, be WAY outside my comfort zone! (aren't most dreams though?)

So I pray some more - but maybe, just maybe I'm at the point where praying is a cop out and I need to follow...

Beauty from Ashes

The quiet is welcome tonight. I find that in the midst of processing, of learning, of growing, that there is often not much quiet in which to sit and let what I am learning sink in and take root.

 I am loving the book One Thousand Gifts and it is truly making an impact in my life....for the better.

It is hard to live life frustrated and impatient when you take a minute to see where you are as a gift and the things that are happening as a gift and to give thanks for that.

I am growing in God so much and I am thankful for how He is changing me, emptying me of myself and drawing me to Him. 

 It is only because of what God is doing in my life that I CAN give thanks for the moments, that I can find the patience and the peace and the JOY in my life, even when those feelings are not there.

 I am thankful for bread machines (and apple cinnamon raisin bread yummy) and being woken before the sun. Crock pots and moments interrupted by little kids needing and wanting and calling. I am thankful for budgets and husbands and the way that God works through those things to build a marriage.

 There are signs of spring, slowly, starting to bloom. Snow is melting, ground is turning to muck, the air has a dampness to it that smells of spring.

Girl Friends

They laugh with you.

Cry with you.

Support you in ways you didn't know you needed.

Stand by you when your world is crumbling.

Are a shoulder to lean on.

A group of friends to be silly and real with.

Gifts from God as you journey through this life.

And I am so thankful that my daughter is experiencing the joys of girl friends - even at this age!

Learning

Days worth of laundry piles high, toys strewn from one room to another; an obstacle course of Legos and Little People.

I'm done with caring how it looks.

I yearn to hear from God, to fall before Him and allow Him to fill me.

To empty myself of ME so He may fill me with Him. And what joy that brings when I can, even momentarily bask in Who He is.

I have been placed here for such a time as this and I surrender to that. Not what I want, for He knows me so much better than I know myself.

It's been about a year since I first started thinking about reaching out, getting help.

While this is not a place I would wish on anyone, I am thankful for it, for what I have learned and what I still have to learn.

God has shown me that being vulnerable is not a bad thing, that people really aren't scary and that His love flows through community - in the reaching out and accepting of help.

We live in a world that teaches we need to be everything, to do everything and that we need to do it all on our own. That asking for help means I have somehow failed.

It's.a.LIE

It's a lie to keep us isolated, to keep us from community, to keep us from God, to keep us listening to the voices ugly that taunt and the fingers that pick at the threads unraveling or yank at the rug beneath our feet.

 We were never meant to walk through life alone, to shoulder our own burdens or, to protect ourselves from the pain of others

"But you are to cling to the Lord your God as you have done to this day"

Joshua 23:8

I am so thankful, filled with soul-deep gratitude over God's ways, timing, His working in my life. I am humbled at His care and the way He orchestrates everything to fall into perfect place.

I am glad I don't understand God. It would not be as hope-filling, joy-inducing, excitement-bringing or praise-worthy if I understood the why and the how of the ways in which God works.

God is being God and it is all for His glory and Kingdom and that brings me great comfort!

To Cast Stones

I sit, listen to the hum of voices carrying words and wonder, ache and long to speak the thoughts that float, but not at this moment, it wouldn't be helpful

So,

Words come, I pen them.

Words spoken in hurt, spew forth in frustration, uncertainty, anger and fear.

If we cast stones at the wounded sinner in our family - God's family -  what does that say to the outsider looking in?

Do they see the mercy of God, the forgiveness of Christ?

We cannot ignore sin, or brush it aside, but there is a way to walk with the sinner, to lead them to repentance, point them to Christ. There are consequences for sin and sometimes, they are far reaching.

Touching the lives of those who had no knowledge of the act.

It is our response to that: the sin, the consequences that sets the family of God apart from the world.

Even in the middle of the shock, the repercussions, God is sovereign and causes things to come to light in His timing.

So we need to pray, to commit the sinner to Him who judges justly and for God's amazing glory to be displayed.

My heart aches for those involved for it is easy to start down a path we had no intention of being on, but by the time you realize you are in so far and sliding so fast there seems to be no way out, no way to reach for help.

That step into sin, it is the same for everyone; one choice, one decision is all it takes. Yet we live in a society where there are comfortable sins, even within the church.

Greed, anger, pride, selfishness.

While others still cause ripples of shock.

But is one really any different from the other?

When I lose patience and peak (yell!) in anger or respond out of hurt or selfishness my heart is in the same spot as that of an adulterer, murderer or thief.

We don't want to be seen as the same - because who wants to be lumped into that category? Yet we ARE the same.

Our hearts have turned from God and we have chosen self over Him.

So how can I cast stones when I am just as sinful, just as guilty?

How does one address the seriousness of the sin while showing love? How does one assure those struggling with the injustice that it is a serious matter and it is being dealt with accordingly , while still displaying the mercy of God?

Because, through Jesus, through the cross, it is possible to come along in love without approving of the actions.

*Wrote this awhile ago, wrestled with posting it. Didn't want to give details but wanted to share the thought process.
There's been stuff going on in various circles and it got me thinking. The above was my response to it. To the questions of what is 'right' or 'wrong' in the way to react to the different situations, in the way the family of God needs to be concerned with relationships and restoration - not firstly about the effect to self or how to work it out so we (I) am not put out by the things that have come to light and the consequences of those actions.*

Wedding Bliss

I think I'll let the pictures of my brother's wedding speak for themselves....

 My Dad, Mom and Stefan

 

 Antoinette, my Grandma, Stefan

At the airport and a hair cut.

You can see from one end of the ariport to the other. In some ways it makes passing time hard, but I can also let them run and not worry about losing them in the crowds of people.

I`m not sure how many times they rode the escalator!

And a snack before going through security and boarding the plane.

It was her first offical hair cut. I`ve trimed it before, but this time she actually got to go to the hairdresser and everything!

We waited until after the wedding before cutting her hair though, wanted it long to put up.  

Thankful for the wonderful time we are having. The wedding was tons of fun, a long day, but wonderful none-the-less. Lots of pictures to weed through.
Today I get to hang out with my best friend and tomorrow we are all going to a sugar bush to see how maple syrup is made!